When Life Isn’t Balanced: Thriving in the Rhythm of Parenthood & Profession

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the Balancing Act. I am your host, Sarah Sheridan, Director of Sales and Executive recruiting at Hirewell and mom to three little ones. I’m very excited to introduce our guest today, Suzanne Jakstavich. Suzanne is an HR executive, someone I have personally known for over five years, and mom to son Connor.

[00:00:23] Suzanne, welcome. Thank you, Sarah. It’s great to be here. I am excited to spend some time with you and just share ideas, thoughts and really have a conversation. Well, we are excited to have you. So let’s dive right in. Suzanne, can you kick us off and just share your career journey and what led you to become an HR executive?

[00:00:48]  It’s an interesting story, and I’m going to preface it by saying, I’m not going to give you the traditional answer. Like, “Oh, I started in talent acquisition” or “I worked in [00:01:00] HRIS”. I want to start with how did I pick this field and I didn’t grow up thinking I wanted to be in HR and frankly, I don’t even think HR was a profession when I was growing up.

[00:01:13] I think it was more a coined “personnel”. But in many ways I feel like I was always heading in this direction for really two reasons and it’s a lot to do with my parents. My dad was a Chicago firefighter for almost 30 years, and I’ve always been fascinated by what it takes to prepare someone

[00:01:40] that’s so against your grain, so counterintuitive to do something like running towards danger instead of from it.  And so that sparked, I’d say a curiosity in me is like, how do you train people? How do you mentor people? How do you [00:02:00] support them? And my dad would tell me these stories, Sarah, about like when he was a rookie on the firefighting force that sometimes they had to tie the new recruits to an experienced firefighter when they were going in to a burning building.

[00:02:14] And so that really made me think, how do people perform under pressure on the job? How do you work together? And most important, how do you trust people? And so to me, when I look back and reflect, like those questions are truly at the heart of leadership and culture and directly sit in the realm of HR.

[00:02:36] And then on the other side of it, my mom was an administrative, one would call her an administrative assistant back in the day. And she worked at a big manufacturing and distribution center, and I always felt from some of her stories that people weren’t the priority and it could have been viewed in some of the lack of [00:03:00] trust or you know, there wasn’t as much flexibility or a lack of acknowledgement. And watching how she was treated really helped to shape my view of,

[00:03:12] how can workplaces be different and how can I contribute to that and build towards that? I started my career and my undergraduate degree in finance and I thought I was going to being a more of a traditional business path. But I kept being pulled back to sort of what I experienced as a kiddo through my parents’ profession.

[00:03:37] Also just when you’re a finance major and you look at a balance sheet, what’s the number one expense? It’s people. I became much more fascinated in that, and I eventually applied to get my Master’s in HR, and I really felt like I found my home.  I felt like I was in a career that played to [00:04:00] my strengths and allowed me to be a business leader because at the core of it, people strategies are business strategies.

[00:04:10] I love- that’s why I love these interviews. I did not know that about your parents, and everyone has such likea unique beginning. So thank you for sharing that. So let’s dive into kind of family life. Kind of tell us all things about your son Connor and just kind of family dynamic. Absolutely.

[00:04:31] And this is my favorite topic. Connor is 15. He is my only kiddo and I would say I am blessed beyond measure to have this little guy. He is wildly curious, a big heart and deeply empathetic. And he has such a wicked sense of humor and he catches me off guard every single day.

[00:04:56] He’s also on the autism spectrum [00:05:00] and he lives with some medical complications, I’ll say a range of medical issues involving his kidney and his liver. His autism was diagnosed when he was three. And his kidney and liver issues were diagnosed when he was in utero. Having a child that has autism and medical complexities, it means our family life looks different than  other family life.

[00:05:28] There’s a lot of flexibility, there’s a lot of coordination, and there’s a lot of resiliency. I said this all the time, I don’t think any parent ever wants to hear that their kid is autistic.  It brings a different life than you imagined. But I have to tell you, this little boy has brought me so much joy and it has helped me be a better parent, a better leader, a better spouse, a better friend, a better sister.

[00:05:59] it has [00:06:00] helped me to advocate fiercely, and I want to say I thought I was an amazing advocate before. I am an advocate now, even more, I’m a ally. I know how to navigate ambiguity and I can hold space for both hope and for truth at the same time. It’s also helped me with Connor is that it’s allowed me to understand that

[00:06:30] people show up particularly at work. They communicate, they process the world differently. And that’s actually a good thing. It’s also helped me, when I think of my leadership lens, really pushed me to slow down. I listen harder and I love that phrase. And it makes me every day challenge my own assumptions.

[00:06:55] That’s all things Connor. And I really [00:07:00] think, when I go back, I wouldn’t change this life for anything. This boy has been my greatest teacher and I have learned more being his mom the last 15 years, that I could have picked up from any job, leadership coach, leadership course. Parenting

[00:07:17] this kiddo has made me a better human and I’m proud of that. Thank you for sharing. I, hands down you’re the most excited I’ve been about a guest on the show. I think you are, have always inspired me over five plus years. But you put a ton of content out there and I think that’s so important as a leader, as someone with your platform.

[00:07:41] You know, I love your LinkedIn posts that really kind of draw parallels between parenting Connor and leading a team and organization. You know, I think one of your recent posts had shared that Connor’s social squad taught you an important leadership lesson. Do you mind kind of sharing [00:08:00] what was that lesson and how has that influenced your leadership style?

[00:08:04] Yeah. As a backdrop, I guess first, thank you. I’m always moved when people connect the stories and the postings on LinkedIn and I appreciate you saying that. I also appreciate the many people who write to me that will say, my son or my daughter just got diagnosed with autism. You know, is there hope out there?

[00:08:28] And I don’t take that for granted, so thank you for amplifying it. About the social squad- as background, the community we live in has, I’ll say it’s sessions, just like Park District, not courses, but park district opportunities for kids to be part of something.

[00:08:46] And they have something for children who are on the spectrum, with respect to building their social muscle and it’s a social squad. It’sa group of 12 kiddos that get together every [00:09:00] weekend. And the idea is it’s supposed to allow interactions in a low pressure way. Although we’re sort of

[00:09:08] you know, putting them all together. It’s this way to sort of build your skill, cut your teeth on something that’s, it’s not in a school setting or you’re not at a therapist office. They’re facilitated by professionals. And one of the things I noticed, and Connor has been Sarah in this for three or four years. And one of the things that I remarked and I wrote about on LinkedIn was that these sessions are not overly directed and

[00:09:40] it goes against your grain. Your instinct as a parent is to step in. Yeah. To smooth it over, to say, “Connor, come on, this person talked to you” or “You have to reciprocate that emotion”. I remember watching Connor trying to join like a group game. I think they were playing like [00:10:00] Hungry Hippo

[00:10:00] and not quite finding that rhythm.  And Mama bear’s ready to go there and move them in. And one of the professionals who was organizing it said, “Mom, give it a couple minutes. Let him work on it”. And he was right. Connor didn’t need me to step in.

[00:10:21] In fact, and this was the crux of my post Sarah, is he needed me to step backand I needed a trust in the process that he had all the tools he’s learned. And he deserves the time. He deserves the space to try and to use them. That moment it’s indelible. It’s burned into my brain in that it reframed a lot about leadership for me.

[00:10:48] We as leaders andI’m looking at myself too is we sometimes think of stepping back as being disengaged. And we have to [00:11:00] continue to reframe that about creating space for our teams to grow, to develop, for our teams to fail fast in some respect.

[00:11:10] And it means also trusting them enough to let them find their own solution, even though the path is imperfect, even though it might be slower, even though it might have been different than the one you would’ve chosen or recommended. And I think that Connor’s journey helped me realize that leadership isn’t being loud.

[00:11:35] It is about holding silence, knowing when to observe, and know when allowing someone else to lead. And when you do that, you invite growth and you really support your team even more. So this is another example of my son making me a better leader.I love that because I think it paints such like a good picture.

[00:11:59] I think [00:12:00] any mom, regardless of, you know, their season of life or their kid has kind of felt that instinct I don’t want them to suffer, you know, kind of the mama bear instinct. And most times it’s best to just sometimes just give space and let ’em figure it out. And at the same time as a leader, it, it’s hard, you know, you’re kinda hesitant to let your, someone you’re managing fail

[00:12:27] because I think you’re right. I think culturally it’s like you have to be very engaged. I don’t want them to think I’m just not interested or I’m not available. But I just, I think that, that is so relatable and such a great point that sometimes kind of goes understated. Sometimes the step back can be the most impactful. Right.

[00:12:46] So Suzanne, to switch gears a little bit, over the years of knowing you, one thing I’ve always admired, I feel like you’re a leader who doesn’t just talk the talk, but you truly walk the walk.

[00:12:57] And even in your email [00:13:00] footer you promote flexibility, which is quite rare. But I don’t want to butcher it, but I think the footer says something along the lines of, my work hours may not be your work hours. Please feel free to respond during your work time. So I’m curious, as a leader, have you always felt that comfortable, you know, advocating flexibility or do you think that’s been more possible

[00:13:27] more recently when there’s kind of been an uptick of like hybrid and flexible work options, especially post COVID. Yes. I think this message is something that has come over time as I’ve evolved as a leader, as

[00:13:45] I now have a child with complex medical needs, and I think this has been a positive birth from COVID. I think all three of those factors have allowed [00:14:00] me to step into this idea of being flexible. But more so, I think of this message as also giving my truth of I’m a working parent.

[00:14:14] And when you think back to it, I think right now it’s become necessary and it’s become part of my conviction. And early in my career flexibility was something that I received. I probably didn’t need a lot of it at that time. But also when I managed people, I definitely gave it. I felt like trying to lean into not everybody has my situation and I want to respect the whole person.

[00:14:40] I think that, that was something that I’ve always done. But as I mentioned, becoming a parent, especially a parent to a child with complex needs forced me to reevaluate that mindset. And flexibility is no longer nice to have. It’s how you have to show up fully for [00:15:00] both your job, your role

[00:15:02] and your family. I remember when Connor was first born and I went back to work. My calendar Sarah, looked like a Rubik’s cube. I mean, it was therapy, it was medical follow up. It was, you know, follow up meetings with specialists. It was commitments for work, all intertwined.

[00:15:23] And I think the pandemic started to help normalize conversations about flexibility. I’m glad about that. I don’t want us to say “We’ve declared victory, yay, COVID”. There’s still more to do in my mind. There’s definitely still more to do.

[00:15:40] And flexibilityhas to be part of the conversation around work, that it isn’t being less committed, it’s about making work fit into life, not the other way around. About trusting your teams, empowering your teams to deliver even when [00:16:00] the schedule looks different than yours. Now, I want to step back and say, that doesn’t mean people can work, you know, five to nine every day. This has to be rooted in business need,

[00:16:11] client support. There has to be some sort of framework that underpins that. It’s based on the business need. The beauty is I’m at a job right now that I do have that flexibility, but I realize that if you’re a physician seeing patients every day, you don’t have that ability to maybe have as much flexibility.

[00:16:32] So I just want to caveat it. I want to also say something else that I’ve done as an HR leader and a leader to my team, is I really try to model intentionality with it. So I intentionally say, “Hey team, I’m going to be out from one to two this afternoon because I’m going to Connor’s school meeting”.

[00:16:54] Or ” By the way, everybody, Connor has horseback riding, so I have to leave Friday night [00:17:00] at 4:00 PM”. I want to make sure that I telegraph that it’s okay and that it’s endorsed and I sanction it by me doing it. So I feel that that role model role is so important. When leaders show, Sarah, that they can be human and high performing, it gives other individuals permission to do the same.

[00:17:27] I think if we give people the opportunity to breathe, to be humans, we get more creativity, we get more loyalty. And I believe more impact and more return in the long run. I couldn’t agree more. And even as someone who’s helped place some employees on your team, you know, most recently an HR manager, while she was interviewing, she kind of shared, my current situation.

[00:17:58] You know, it’s a bit [00:18:00] rigid. I’m a hard worker, a high performer. What is their culture around if I have to pop out for a doctor’s appointment or I have to go to a baseball practice? And, you know, I told her, I said, I don’t want you to hear it from me. I want you to look up Suzanne. I want you to read her email footer and have a conversation. Because I knew it wasn’t just like a, oh, you know, we can be flexible.

[00:18:26] It was, I think as a leader, you truly like practice what you preach and I think that I can tell just kind of seeing your team, they are high producers, but they also feel comfortable around you while also respecting you. So. Thank you. I hope more leaders can kind of follow that, and I certainly, even in small ways, like putting things on my calendar, not just meeting, but pediatrician appointment, trying to make small changes to just kind of put in that more like human [00:19:00] element.

[00:19:00] Exactly. How do we normalize it? This idea thatwe shut off and we turn on and we shut off these different aspects of who we are. it doesn’t work. And maybe that worked in the seventies. Right. And perhaps in the eighties. It doesn’t anymore. My hypothesis is,

[00:19:20] I’m a mom and being a mom makes me a better employee. And I’m an employee, and being an employee makes me a better mom. And that blended, those identities braided together, Sarah, are just so powerful.

[00:19:34] We’re going to have to start thinking about how we show up and how we bring our whole self as fluffy as that sounds your whole self, but it’s okay. And how do we as leaders, continue to role model that? Yes, completely, completely. So, you know, to slightly change gears again, I think you’d mentioned you feel like the, you know, the coined term work life balance [00:20:00] may be a bit outdated.

[00:20:02] So I’d love to hear from your perspective, what would you replace that with? Yeah, that’s a good one. I know kind of a loaded one. Yeah. It does feel outdated. And I’ve heard- and I agree it does. Yeah. And I’ve heard a couple, I’m not owning these ideas and themes. These are not original themes, but to that really speak to me work life rhythm, work life integration.

[00:20:28] Why I prefer those terms of rhythm and integration is that balance makes it sound like it’s got to be 50/50. Perfect. And if you’re doing 60/40  something’s wrong. Right. And it makes it seem like if it’s not 50/50, nothing’s in harmony. But I don’t know about you-

[00:20:50] I know many people have complex lives. They’re caregiving their parents. They might be managing a household, they might be leading a team. They might be on special [00:21:00] projects. They might be dealing with other instances and situations that we just don’t know about. So life doesn’t happen in balance.It happens in a rhythm. I feel like rhythm integration allows more for the ebbs and flows that some weeks things will tilt more towards work. You got a big deadline coming up, you got a big client facing meeting. You know, you’re trying to get a big motion out for your clients or who could have predicted we’d have a global pandemic five years ago and we’d need to be in a crisis mode response.

[00:21:38] There’s no playbook for that, right. Other times like in my case, maybe my kids having a surgery or there’s a family situation. And so it’s that ebbs and flows that I think gets into that rhythm and it doesn’t indicate that there’s a failure because it’s not 50/50. It showcases that [00:22:00] it’s reality. And

[00:22:02] rhythm gives you the opportunity to shift and adjust. It doesn’t give you permission to say, oh, you know what? I’m just going to work 30% of the time. That’s not what I’m suggesting.

[00:22:12] As a leader, it’s my responsibility to normalize that. I don’t want to treat flexibility as an exception. It’s part of how healthy organizations operate.

[00:22:23] And so for me, I go back to this Sarah- I’m not looking for a perfect 50/50 balance. That doesn’t exist. How do I cultivate this rhythm that works for me, my employer, and the seasonal life I’m in? And that supports me to do my best work and provide meaning contributions, and to be the best mom, parent, sister, daughter, spouse, friend, what have you.

[00:22:52] I love that. And I think it’s interesting at this point, you know, I’ve interviewed over 15 female [00:23:00] execs who are also raising families, and that was one common theme, how balance just isn’t an accurate representation of what it is. It’s chaotic, it’s messy. Some days you’ve got things covered. Other days, you know, things are kind of falling apart and I think there are some hidden costs using the word balance.

[00:23:23] I should probably change the name of the podcast, but I think it’s creating this, you know, image ofdropping kids off, going to work, picking them up, having kids, and that’s just, it’s not a picture perfect balance. In your eyes, what is kind of some hidden cost around, I think it’s kind of more common than not hearing, you know, there’s balance,

[00:23:48] you can have it all. You can be a working mom and raise a family. Do you think that’s kind of leading us to not only unrealistic expectations, but is there like a real downfall in [00:24:00] promoting this thing that maybe just isn’t attainable? Yeah, I think so. I think the hidden cost is probably undue burden

[00:24:09] on our workforce and this idea that there’s a state you need to get to, like you can get to this state think of this imagery. You’re on that hamster wheel and yeah, you’ll get there. You’ll get there. I think it’s a lot of pressure. Yeah. I think it’s this idea that there is this utopia.

[00:24:29] Just keep going. Yeah. I also think it makes people not want to share what’s happening. So another hidden cost could be this idea that you just retreat or elope from the situation and you just, you don’t want to talk about things. You want to just present, as you know, I don’t have anything going on.

[00:24:48] And think of a duck in water, Like everything’s calm, but they’re just under the water this, you know, moving and that’s sort of what- if you don’t allow people to share their [00:25:00] whole selves. And I think it leads to burnout. I think it leads to lack of engagement. Yeah. And then people might say, well, what am I doing here?

[00:25:08] Is this worth it? So there’s a lot of hidden costs. The biggest one in my mind is this idea that you can get to this perfect state and it just doesn’t exist. Right. And you can drive yourself crazy. Absolutely. Trying to get there and miss the important moments. I’m curious on a personal level, you know, as someone who’s managing a very high level career, you are raising a family.

[00:25:32] You’re raising a son with special needs. What is one thing that has really worked for you to kind of succeed, and then what is one thing that still is just a genuine challenge and you’re like, I’m, working at it every day. Just would love to hear from your perspective. One thing that’s worked is I rely and empower my team.

[00:25:58] As I’ve grown in a [00:26:00] leader, as I’ve grown as an individual, I’ve embraced this idea that I have to be open. Candid, respectfully candid. Yeah. But also I have to be vulnerable and I have to explain and rely on my team. And I think that sometimes goes against our grain. Like you’re the leader.

[00:26:21] Everything should be perfect with you and you know, you should be our support system. And I’m really trying to flip that script.

[00:26:29] Relying on them and not looking at it like you’re shirking your responsibilities but instead leveraging them. What hasn’t worked that well is I’m still trying to figure out how to say no to certain things.

[00:26:46] Yeah. Right. And I mean that like both professionally, I want to grow as a leader. I want to network as a leader. Personally, I want to continue to meet my friends who I’ve known for 25 years and [00:27:00] how do I fit it all in? And I haven’t been doing a good job sometimes and I have to improve it.

[00:27:06] How do I sometimes say no or how do I potentially change the rhythm or the cadence of something? Yeah. Because I don’t know, even moms, they feel like they have FOMO, their fear of missing out and I don’t want to miss out. So how do I respectfully, change timing related to something or say, hey, you know what, I can’t do that now.

[00:27:26] I’m going to do that in six months and be okay with it. Yeah. And that’s something I think is always going to be a daily, weekly, struggle with me and being aware of it helps. I love that. I think that is very relatable regardless of what level you’re at. So kind of related to that, I think in today’s society, working parents, especially working moms and

[00:27:50] especially at the executive level, I think have this like pressure to kind of do it all. And you’re not like this, but unfortunately I think [00:28:00] there’s still a, it’s kind of the norm to like make it look easy and not admit exhaustion or feel you can be vulnerable and say, hey, like, I’m human. I feel a little underwater right now.

[00:28:12] I could use some support. So how do you personally like deal with that level of pressure? Just again, you’re managing so many things.

[00:28:22] I guess any like, strategies for how you go about managing this? These are my thoughts and ideas. This is your internal mine. Yeah. And some of them work. My husband and I really rely on each other. So there are times we do a lot of things, medical appointments, therapies, what have you, together with Connor.

[00:28:43] But the nature of our work, sometimes one of us has to take the lead. Ability to work on a team with my spouse, my husband, is a big thing. What I’m trying to get at is I’m able to say,[00:29:00]

[00:29:00] I can still be involved even if I’m notholding my son’s hand. I can still be engaged. My son’s in horseback riding and he does horseback lessons and it’s part of his therapy and, I can send my husband a video because when I take him, my husband can still participate.

[00:29:18] What I’m trying to say is working together and realizing there’s only so much you can do.

[00:29:25] The other thing is I try to ground myself in saying, okay what is top of mind? What’s the most urgent thing? What is the priority for this week? And I try to anchor around that. Yeah. And I make space, Sarah, though stuff may change. What I think might be urgent or important, have a different, a different view a day later or two days later.

[00:29:50] But I try to look at my week knowing it may change and it’s not static to really do some planning around it to the best of my ability. [00:30:00] And again, I rely on my team. We talk about it, we talk about their experiences, and we lean on each other. Nobody’s venting, no one’s complaining. It’s just saying, Hey,

[00:30:14] here’s how my day looks like, or here’s how my week looks like. Can we have a conversation? Because what that starts to do is it starts to normalize a lot of this. And to start thinking in an empathetic way towards each other. And we’re more open. And I think it makes us tighter and in a good way.

[00:30:36] And we see how our team can rally around each other to support one another. For sure, for sure. And you know, I’m curious from your perspective, I feel like employers have various benefits, kind of supporting wellbeing. What do you think an employer needs to genuinely provide to provide like[00:31:00]

[00:31:00] just true support to working parents. I think there’s many things and it looks different based on the industry you’re in. I think the age of your company. I think number one is some sort of flexibility. That doesn’t mean everybody’s now hybrid or fully remote. That’s not what I’m saying.

[00:31:17] because it has to be rooted based on your business need. Like I said, if you’re a physician, you really can’t work from home, right? Right. I think it’s that level of flexibility. One is, do they offer hybrid? Do they offer the ability that at certain times a caregiver, a parent may have to work

[00:31:36] at home if hybrid isn’t part of their normal day-to-day structure?

[00:31:40] Thinking about what times you do meetings. I have to get my little guy on the bus or his school transportation.Do you have to start meetings at 7:30 when you know moms and dads are in the thick of trying to get kids off to school?

[00:31:56] And then on the flip side,  do you have to do a 5:00 PM [00:32:00] meeting? These are little things but they’re important because I think they signal a bigger, I would say an indicator of are you willing to support? I also think is making space for kids get sick and yet parents have to be off.

[00:32:15] You know, hey, oh, I heard Johnny was sick. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. And be okay with it. And those are just some small things, but in my mind, they’re impactful too. Right. And they signal to your larger population that, hey, you respect working parents. Right. And they’re important here.

[00:32:34] And that kind of leads me to my next question. As an HR executive, in your perspective, like where do you think companies have made the greatest strides when it comes to truly supporting working parents? And then on the flip side, what are some areas that still we need a lot of improvement?

[00:32:54] I think the strides have been around hybrid working. I would say that is [00:33:00] definitely it. I can’t say the challenges right now, I’m just not sure like I could speak about it because I think it might be more industry specific. But I will say this, there’s still more to do and I think that we’re looking at this from a parent lens.

[00:33:16] I think we’re going to have to continue to broaden to looking at it from a caregiver lens.  I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Just because having a kid is definitely caregiving. But what about, we’re seeing now a lot of baby boomers now usher into retirement, or you have employees who now are sort of what they call the sandwich generation.

[00:33:37] They have elderly parents, young children, they’re sort of handling both. So I think in  that reframe or that support around caregiving is something that companies can continue to do. Yes, I think that’s a great point. Well, Suzanne, we so appreciate your time. Before I, I let you go, what is [00:34:00] the one thing, one key takeaway you’d like our listeners to take from today’s episode?

[00:34:06] There’s so much, there’s so much to say. Five things.I would say the messiness of life doesn’t make you less capable. Right, as a working parent. In fact, I think it makes you more compassionate. I think it makes you more grounded. And in my own experience, it’s made me a better leader. And I guess what I would say is takeaway is you don’t have to choose or you shouldn’t have to choose between being an engaged parent and a successful professional

[00:34:37] and remember that and advocate for yourself. And think about that rhythm of work life. And how do you want to show up and how do you want to access and advocate for that rhythm? Right. Well, thank you and thank you guys for joining. Tune in next time for more insights on how to [00:35:00] manage both career and family life.