The Power of the Lead Parent: Mike’s Take on Shared Load

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to The Balancing Act. This is the show that dives into real stories of people I admire who are navigating the challenges of building successful careers while raising families. I’m your host, Sarah Sheridan, Director of Sales and Executive Recruiting at HireWell and mom to three little ones.

[00:00:18] For today’s episode, I’m excited to welcome our guest, Mike Sharifi. Mike is an operating principal in the private equity space and dad to two little ones. Mike, welcome.

[00:00:31] Hey Sarah, it’s great to be here.

[00:00:32] Yeah, we’re excited to have you. You’re actually our very first dad on the show, so thank you.

[00:00:38] Well, I’m proud, but also a little bit of pressure for the working dads out there.

[00:00:43] Yeah, you’re repping. Well, awesome. Let’s kick things off. Mike, if you can just share a little bit more about your career journey and kind of how you got to become an operating principal, that would be great.

[00:00:55] Yeah, of course. Well, Chicagoan through and through, born and [00:01:00] raised, and never left. Went to undergrad at Northwestern. Always thought I was going to go to law school. My senior year I was taking the LSAT, applying to law schools, you know, political science major, it was just what was going to be the next step, and then it was the trough of the 2008 recession. And I read

[00:01:17] an article in the Wall Street Journal about how it was the worst time in American history to be a lawyer. So it’s like, oh crap, like, find something else to do to make money. And yeah, I got connected with, you and the team over at Prestige and didn’t know a thing about recruiting or technology, but you know, with you, Eric, Derek, and others, you know, started my career in recruitment. And yeah, after a few great years partnering with you and the team, you know,

[00:01:45] worked at a few startups, did business school at the University of Chicago part time, and, quite frankly fell into private equity. My mentor at Booth was, an operating partner at the firm I was at previously, Vista Equity Partners. And [00:02:00] as I was going through the journey of, figuring out what do I want to do with my MBA, he kind of tapped me on the shoulder and said, hey, if you’re really passionate about like HR and talent but want to go to business school to solve, you know, bigger challenges, get into consulting or whatever that might look like, you know, come learn about what we’re doing over here at Vista.

[00:02:19] We’re growing and we think your skill set could be great for, you know, what we’re doing in terms of our talent and executive program. So I had this preconceived notion of what private equity was. Granted, I was working at a startup wearing a hoodie to work every day. So the idea of going into, uh, you know, a stodgy environment wearing a three piece suit didn’t necessarily appeal to me.

[00:02:43] But, you know, I understood what private equity did, and especially on the operating side, how you’d partner with companies to add value. It got me really excited and, you know, had the chance there to build out several executive programs, improve the capability that we had around leadership [00:03:00] development across the portfolio.

[00:03:01] And yeah, I’m really excited to be here at Wynnchurch Capital as an operating principal, taking many of those lessons learned and applying that and building up talent roadmap for our portfolio as we continue to grow and scale.

[00:03:13] Awesome. Love it. I always love hearing how people got to where they are. It’s never, it’s never what you think.

[00:03:19] So, awesome background. And then Mike, you recently started in your current role, right? It’s been couple months now?

[00:03:26] I did! Approaching the two month mark. So it’s been phenomenal. We’re on our sixth fund on the portfolio for around 30 companies, but just great momentum.

[00:03:36] But even more importantly, an amazing culture. Everyone has been so gracious into pulling me into opportunities, getting me connected with the senior leadership management at our companies and yeah, helping me along the way. So just really grateful to have a wonderful team here

[00:03:52] that’s made the onboarding experience as smooth as it can be.

[00:03:56] I love to hear that. And then [00:04:00] in addition to a new job, you also have a new-ish addition to your family. So let’s kind of switch gears here and tell us a little bit more about family life. I know you’ve got two little ones. Can we hear their names and ages?

[00:04:14] Yeah. So I’ve got Oliver, who’s a three and a half year old bundle of energy.

[00:04:22] They all are.

[00:04:23] Yeah. And then we welcomed Evelyn 10 months ago. So Evelyn joined the party last April, and it’s been good to have one of each, but I think two might be the ceiling of what we can handle. So you’re quite the role model with three, but I think two, two’s got us plenty busy.

[00:04:43] Yeah. Three girls. I think my, my husband would agree. So he’s, you got one of each. That’s a, that’s a great spot to be in. Awesome. Well, and then tell us more about kind of what your wife does for work and what [00:05:00] her hours and schedule look like.

[00:05:02] Yeah, yeah. So, my wife you know, is working. She’s a lawyer.

[00:05:06] So we met back in Northwestern. Part of why I was okay not going to law school was because I also knew she was going to go to law school.

[00:05:14] Love

[00:05:15] it. Yeah. One lawyer in the

[00:05:16] family. I know. And I could

[00:05:17] watch her go through the journey and see if law school and being a lawyer, was for me. And she came home that first day of law school and her first textbook was this big.

[00:05:27] And I was like, yeah, I don’t know if that’s for me, so. But yeah, she spent a handful of years working at a midsize firm in Chicago. You know, great experience. You know, in terms of legal research and litigation. But I also think she realized, you know, that being a partner at a law firm wasn’t for her.

[00:05:43] So she made the move in house five years ago and still gets the full, you know, intellectual stimulation of being a lawyer without having to go into court every day and has a little bit more of a not quite nine to five, but you know, a little bit better balance than what she [00:06:00] did at the law firm.

[00:06:01] Awesome.

[00:06:03] So how do you guys, having both I’d say like high pressure careers, how do you guys go about divvying responsibilities at home and divvying up the parenting, while each kind of maintaining your full time jobs?

[00:06:18] Yeah, it’s a great question and is something that evolves.

[00:06:21] Right? Every day is probably

[00:06:24] different.

[00:06:24] It’s a day to day, week to week. But I think the most important thing and I know it’s cliche, but it’s so true that, communication is so important. You know, I think with us having our own respective you know, busy jobs, that kind of ebb and flow and, you know, you have travel and you have meetings, it just requires communication and over communication to make sure that we know who is responsible for what on a daily basis.

[00:06:50] And I think, you know, it’s really forced us to be, you know, a bit more proper in terms of getting things on a calendar and coming up with a schedule every night of [00:07:00] who’s going to do what in terms of cleaning, in terms of getting the kids ready, in terms of cooking, you know, all the things that need to be done but have to be properly assigned.

[00:07:09] So that’s been helpful. But a mentor of mine, you know, someone at my old firm, Angela Pecoraro, she was a CEO in the Vista portfolio that came over to be an operating partner. She was a software CEO of a, you know, very busy transforming business and her husband was a police detective, up in Milwaukee, and she coined this phrase that I love using of lead parent. And it’s something that Kirsten and I use all the time, you know. There are times where, I have to be the lead parent, I have to be the person that takes a bit more of the front foot in making sure that the kids are fed, the kids are bathed, and all of that, if she’s got things at work. But if I’m traveling, if I’m on the road, you know, a couple weeks at a time, then, you know, we’ll say, Hey, Kirsten, you’ve got to be the lead parent and help out here.

[00:07:55] So, I think having those rules and responsibilities defined ahead [00:08:00] of time and being proactive about it just makes all the, all the difference versus having to react to all the chaos that tends to unfold when the kids get home from school.

[00:08:08] No, I love that and I like the term lead parent. I feel like I’ve only heard default parent and it just has more of like a negative connotation.

[00:08:16] So I’m going to use that moving forward. That’s a good one.

[00:08:19] It’s a good one. Thank you for that, Angela.

[00:08:22] And then do you guys live by family or like what kind of support system do you have in place?

[00:08:29] Yeah, it’s a great question. We spent a number of years living in the city, and, it was great to have access to amazing restaurants and bars and, you know, happy hours and all that stuff. But, the minute that we, you know, started thinking about starting a family, it became clear that we needed to invest in having more space. But also, we also knew it was important to be close to family and it was nice to have the opportunity to move out to the Chicagoland suburbs, 10 minutes away from my [00:09:00] parents, you know, to be able to have their support as needed.

[00:09:02] And I think, you know, having, little ones and grandma nearby, it just helps to alleviate some of the burden. It’s not something that we abuse by any means, but, you know, if there are days where we need to go out and go to Ikea and don’t want to take, don’t want to take the kids for that journey and have them be bored looking at furniture.

[00:09:27] It’s just nice to be able to have, you know, family nearby to, to tap into. .That we were intentional about getting close to a parent and then my in laws are in Eastern, Iowa So they’re still able to come out for a few days when they’re not farming. So nice to have folks close by but my words of wisdom to everyone is don’t don’t abuse it. So figure out  highest and best use of their time and where they can give you a lift.

[00:09:54] Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. That’s what brought us back to St. Louis. It was not the food, but [00:10:00] very close to family and I fear we may be abusing that the past couple weeks, but we’ll get

[00:10:05] back to moderation.

[00:10:07] There are

[00:10:08] two powerful words and that’s thank you, make sure they can appreciate it and all of that because sometimes- yeah, sometimes you lose sight of how much they help you from a balancing standpoint, but also just, you know, mental health standpoint. Being able to take the kids for a little bit so you can focus your time and energy on something else.

[00:10:30] For sure. No, it’s great to have. Well, kind of to switch gears, we’re at an interesting time where we’re really witnessing a generational shift where both parents are working and dads are really becoming heavily involved at home. So just curious from your perspective, like has this shift influenced your approach to both your career and parenting?

[00:10:55] Yeah, it’s, it’s a really good question and you know, something I’m a big believer of [00:11:00] is that we are heavily shaped by things that happened to us in our experiences in our formative years. So when we grow up, you know, the, family, the structure, the friends, the schooling that we had around us kind of shape who you become to some degree.

[00:11:16] And, I grew up with two working parents, but they had very busy jobs. My mom was a third shift nurse, so, you know, she was gone at nights, but she got her sleep during the day. That’s where she had to recharge her batteries. And then, my dad, you know owned a restaurant. So it wasn’t like a glamorous lifestyle, but they were busy and they were able to support for us.

[00:11:38] But, my dad was working 80 hours a week. My mom, you know, had the demanding job at night and I always think back, I always appreciated, you know, that they were working hard, so, such that me and my brother could have a good life. But they weren’t always present, and I had to understand that, that, you know, they couldn’t come to sporting events, they [00:12:00] couldn’t come to all the things that, you know, maybe I would have wanted them to. And it’s helped shape me a bit because I want to make sure that I’m able to be present in my kids lives.

[00:12:12] And as they get into activities, as they begin developing their passions, it’s just important to have someone there to support them along the way. So I think, you know, as we get our kids into activities, it’s important that whether it’s myself or my wife, that someone is there to support them and cheer them on along the way.

[00:12:29] And if it can’t be us, it’s going to be a grandparent. I think having that presence, and supporting them in their journey is important. But it’s also been a good reminder to me that, you know, as much as I can be active and present in their lives as they grow up, the better off they’ll be. And it’s  sometimes not the easiest thing to do, but it’s an important thing to do to create the time and space to be with them, invest in them, and quite frankly, just enjoy these, fun years.

[00:12:54] Right. And with that being said, in order to be present and really find that balance, do you feel [00:13:00] like you’ve had to make any changes professionally to accommodate that role as being, like, a very involved dad at home?

[00:13:07] Yeah. I think the thing that I’ve had to be really good about is just, you know, self and time management. Yeah.

[00:13:14] There’s no shortage of things that I could be doing at work or no shortage of things that I could be doing at home, but it goes to prioritization. And something I’ve had to be really, really diligent and deliberate about is mapping out my day. So every morning, I’ll, get into the office, pour a cup of coffee and map out what are the three most important things that I need to do today at work.

[00:13:39] And then similarly, I’ll map out the two or three most important things that I need to do for my personal life or at home. And, I think it’s important to be able to do that so you can focus your time and effort on the things that are going to drive value at work and in your personal life. Because, you know, if you don’t have that sense of what’s [00:14:00] important, you can get pulled into all sorts of different directions and, you know, put your time and energy on things that aren’t necessarily going to move things forward.

[00:14:08] So I can’t advocate, you know, enough for being really focused and intentional each day about the things that you need to accomplish, but also having the, you know, the courage to say, hey, these are the things that I’m not going to do because they’re not going to move the needle today. And many of us that are type A, that are highly driven, we want to do everything.

[00:14:30] It’s an important task to be able to say, hey, I can’t do everything. And these are the things that I’m not going to do to make room for the things that I know are going to move the needle.

[00:14:39] For sure. I love that. And I, even like personally, it’s like getting comfortable respectfully saying no and understanding like, you know, where your time needs to go in order to have the biggest impact at work and at home.

[00:14:52] And it’s definitely like a skill, but when you have limited time I feel like you’re kind of pressured to like evolve. [00:15:00]

[00:15:00] Yeah. Yeah. And as I look at my list for today, I mean, Oh, I’m a

[00:15:04] paper- paper pen gal too.

[00:15:06] There you go. It’s a, I love it, I love it. I don’t know, there’s- I’m old school. Like I’m an old school write everything down type person.

[00:15:16] Yeah, so, it helps me remember things a bit more. But, you know, on my to do list for the personal side today, 60 degrees here in Chicago, we don’t get that very often in February, so I want to run outside. I know I’m going to have a successful day if I can do the things I need to at work, but also make the time to run outside and then, you know, do the dishes and, yeah.

[00:15:38] Yeah. But that’s- and do the laundry.

[00:15:40] But it’s an, it’s important to make sure that you catalog the things that are important that are going to make you feel good at the end of the day.

[00:15:46] Yeah. Yeah. I definitely feel that like you have to recharge however you want to do that exercise.

[00:15:53] Rest, like go for a walk, but recharging is essential.

[00:15:58] Yeah.

[00:15:58] And then just kind of off of [00:16:00] that I mean clearly you’re very intentional about your time, understanding like where it should go to have the biggest impact. Any other strategies with just how you’ve kind of been able to balance like what I would consider like a pretty high pressure industry and then you’re also at a season of just being very hands on with small kids.

[00:16:23] Anything like else that you and Kirsten have picked up along the way or like hacks for other dual income families out there?

[00:16:34] Yeah, I think it’s important- you know something that works well for Kirsten and I is that we, you know, I mentioned the communication. But we also have figured out what we’re good at in terms of balancing the workload and the things that, you know, we maybe enjoy doing relative to others.

[00:16:52] Like a good example is like washing dishes. I don’t mind it. I don’t either. Yeah. I don’t either. But yeah, so it’s [00:17:00] a, so it’s a me job, you know, after we’re done eating. You know, my responsibility, rinse off the dishes, put them in the dishwasher. My wife, is nursing right now, so, hey, you know, cleaning and, sterilizing the pumping parts.

[00:17:12]  I am 100 percent A OK doing it. I can throw on a podcast and,

[00:17:17]  and it gives me something, something to do that I don’t mind doing. And on the flip side, my wifedoesn’t mind doing the laundry. Doesn’t mind, you know, doing the drop off. So we’ve kind of figured out, like, the right balance for us because one of the most painful things is having to do something you don’t like doing every day. So if you can figure out, you know, the balance of the workload that you can get some energy from or don’t mind doing as much, you’re all better for it. And you can recalibrate as needed, but it’s helped us just have that, to have that honest conversation about what we like doing, what we don’t like doing and making sure that we’re covering our bases in a way that’s not painful.

[00:17:57] Love it. Yeah. I feel like it’s never going to be [00:18:00] perfect, but it’s not painful. I think it’s a very accurate description.

[00:18:05] Yeah.

[00:18:06] Awesome. And then, Mike, how would you say being a dad, especially to kind of little ones, has influenced how you’ve shown up in your role as a leader, especially in private equity?

[00:18:19] Like, how do you think that’s had an impact?

[00:18:22] Yeah, it’s something I think about a lot. You know, we change and we evolve every day. And, you know, while I’m still very type A, I tend to be very focused, very driven, very data oriented. I think having kids has helped to beef up my understanding and empathy.

[00:18:40]  I used to be someone that was very laser focused, eye on the prize, very get stuff done. But, having kids now, I can relate to folks that, don’t get a good night of sleep or, you know, have to leave work a little bit early to go to [00:19:00] their kid’s high school sporting event.

[00:19:02] So I think that understanding and empathy of how people  need to navigate their lives is something that’s been really important to me and wasn’t something that I understood or appreciated $8 years ago.

[00:19:14] Yeah. Yeah, I would totally agree with that. I think before kids it’s, you know, you got more time and a lot of time you channel everything into work and then kind of social life and once you’re kind of in the seat, you do have empathy for people who have to pop in and out and like trust that they can get it done.

[00:19:35] Totally, totally.

[00:19:36] And one other thing I’ll add too is, you know, for many of us, work tends to become our identity. But when you start a family and you have a perspective of what life is beyond the four walls of work, it just, it just helps. You know, it just helps as a reminder that we are all people, that we have demanding jobs that give us a lot of energy, but it’s not the only thing in life and being able to, [00:20:00] you know understand and appreciate, you know, the family side of things has helped me tremendously. And yes, I do have to work a lot I do have to travel a lot but you know it’s nice to be able to have the face time with the kids before they go to bed and when I’m at the airport, you know take a picture of a plane because my son is in that phase where he’s obsessed with planes. So figure out those little ways to integrate life into work and work into life is important such that we’re not just focused on work, work, work all the time.

[00:20:34] For sure. And Mike, what would be like some advice you would give to other working dads who are also, you know, trying to really excel in their career while also being deeply involved in raising their kids at home? Any thoughts there?

[00:20:52] Yeah, I think the communication with your partner or spouse is important.

[00:20:57] You know, it’s really, really [00:21:00] important to be aligned on who’s responsible for what, who’s going to do what. I think, you know, whether you’re part of a sports team, a marriage, or you run a company, misalignment is the kryptonite of success. And if you’re not aligned on who’s going to do what, you’re going to struggle.

[00:21:19] So make sure that you over communicate to get to that alignment with your partner on who’s going to do what and I’ll say this too, you know, you got to be okay making sacrifice and sacrifice is bi directional. I know that between 5:30 and 7:15 every night, I need to be present to make sure that the kids are fed, the kids are bathed, and that they go to bed at a reasonable time.

[00:21:44] But I also know at 8 o’clock, after I eat and maybe watch a little SportsCenter, I’m going to plug back in and make sure that I get the things that I need to get done at work. So,there’s an understanding that I don’t work a nine to five, neither [00:22:00] does my wife, but we make sure to carve out the time that is going to be important for the family on the weekdays, especially.

[00:22:06] Yeah. Yeah. Well, Mike, I mean, it’s been great. I think you’ve given a ton of good insights. You know, before I do let you go, what would you say is like one take away you’d like listeners to get from today’s episode

[00:22:21] Yeah, I think the lead parent concept is just so important and it’s not always going to be one person.

[00:22:31] I think we all have the reality, especially if, you know, we’re both working parents that there are just going to be times that someone’s busier than the other or someone has a lot more travel or a big work project. I think figuring that out and explicitly saying, hey, you know, I need you to be the lead parent because I’m going to be on the road

[00:22:51] six of the next seven days. I think that’s important. And I think, being able to figure that out on a daily, weekly, monthly, annual, [00:23:00] sometimes basis is important because, you know, at the end of the day, there’s a lot that needs to get done. It’s important to make sure that we know who’s responsible for what.

[00:23:08] And in some cases, someone’s going to have to lean in a bit more than others. So, yeah. You know, I think two weeks ago, I was the lead parent and it was great. It was stressful of course, because I’m not great at cooking, so there were a lot of chicken nuggets and mac and cheese.

[00:23:21] But my wife- yeah, it’s food. Nutrients. But my wife needed me home earlier to be able to feed the kids and put them down. And yes, there’s always, you know, plugging back in later at the night, later, in the evening. But I created the space for my wife to do what she needed to, to succeed at work.

[00:23:41] And I think that’s important.

[00:23:42] Awesome. I love that, cause you’re right. It’s never 50-50 and you just have to communicate who’s doing what and you know, survive, basically.

[00:23:52] Yeah, agree with that. Well Mike,

[00:23:54] thank you so much for joining us as our very first working dad. We appreciate your time [00:24:00] and thank you guys for listening.

[00:24:02] Tune in next time for more insights and I’m Sarah Sheridan, your host for any hiring needs. Feel free to reach out to me directly at the link below.